


The Man in the Mirror

by SweetSorcery



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode Related, First Kiss, M/M, Male Slash, POV First Person, Psychology, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 00:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSorcery/pseuds/SweetSorcery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of "In the Pale Moonlight", both Captain Sisko and Garak are troubled - in different ways, and find themselves once more sharing confidences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Man in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All canon characters, settings, events and other details are property of Viacom/Paramount and possibly other copyright holders. Non-canon bits were created for non-profit, non-infringement fan entertainment.
> 
> Archiving: Nowhere except here, and not in translated form either.
> 
> Notes: This story was written for the Garak Fuh-Q-Fest eons ago.

It must be a truly irritating thing to be so righteous and kind-hearted, so committed to preserving life, even at the cost of more life. I know I don't envy humans.

All that aside, I do have to commend Captain Sisko on his willingness to accept, even though he cannot entirely understand, why I acted the way I did. Then again, perhaps he can. Of all the humans I have met during my exile on this station, he is certainly the one most willing to adjust to change and listen to reason. And reason was why he allowed me to make my point, as well as why he accepted it.

Oh, I could tell that it pained him. And there is yet another human weakness I don't envy - their excessive compassion. True, we Cardassians are not beyond compassionate feelings, but if there is a greater good, we are far better able to put them aside. The greater good here is a chance at peace in the Alpha Quadrant. The cost - the lives of the Romulan senator Vreenak and a common criminal, the latter as much a forgery as his supposed 'specialty' in crime. He did not deserve better than to die. As for the Romulan... well, never mind.

I've been observing the good Captain Sisko since that incident in my shop. Once I had made my point, and he had grudgingly taken it to heart, he had left, doubtless to agonise over it in that irrational Terran way. A shame, that even a man like that would be unable to let emotions get the better of him in such circumstances.

However, I can admit to myself, in my own thoughts, that this abundance of emotions is not only irritating, but oddly endearing, in my human acquaintances. It must be a frightening state-of-mind for them, but I'm certain it has its uses, in some cases.

One thing my people are not good at is showing affection. Needless to say that Cardassian/Terran relationships are not only rare but nearly impossible. For such an alliance to work, the Cardassian would need at the very least an appreciation of this emotionality, while the human would have to possess a great ability to think logically and calmly, even under adverse circumstances. In fact, he would have to possess the very qualities Captain Benjamin Sisko can call his own.

Well, this is no way to think about the present situation, as I barely dare to imagine how this particular Terran would react to this kind of... appreciation, and from a Cardassian no less. I can see it now. 'Captain Sisko, I would like to tell you that I consider you a worthy and very desirable match for any true Cardassian, especially myself. How would you feel about us embarking on a more intimate relationship?'

I would estimate the first blow to connect with my skin two to three seconds later, given a little time for the proposal to set in, and roughly one minute later, the dear Doctor Bashir would have a patient in critical condition on his hands. Perhaps some other day, when I feel more suicidally inclined.

Ah, there he is now. But... why would he come to my shop so soon after this entire unpleasant affair? It is unmistakably Benjamin Sisko, making his way down the Promenade so purposefully, towards my shop.

Well, I am certainly grateful that humans do not possess any kind of telepathic ability. At least not as far as I'm aware. My current state of mind is not something the good captain would wish to be party to, that's for sure.

Watching him stride towards me like this, I have to say that his mental and emotional capabilities are not the only characteristics I admire about this particular human. Even in that ridiculous style-less uniform, he is a most imposing figure, with a strength, attractiveness and voice to match. A particularly appealing representative of his species indeed.

"Garak."

"Captain Sisko, what can I do for you today?" Look how indecisive he is. Most unusual for him, so I can only conclude that he still suffers from the after-effects of that miserly affair with the Romulans. "You look a little shaken, captain. Can I get you a drink of water?"

"No thank you, Garak. I'm fine. Come to think of it..."

He looks at me pleadingly, and I wish I could say something which would help him. But I know why he is here, and it's not a discomfort I can in any way alleviate. I suspect his conscience is still wreaking havoc with his better judgement, and only time will release him from that.

"I'm not sure why I came here. Sorry to disturb you, Mr Garak." He's about to leave, but I can't let that happen. I should, no doubt, but even a Cardassian can act illogically sometimes.

"Please, captain. I have nothing pressing to do and would rather appreciate the company." It's a lie; I have three suits to mend and an entire dress to custom-design for one of the station visitors, but one must have priorities.

With one raised eyebrow, he looks at me. Then he rubs the back of his neck and nods. "If you're sure."

"Most definitely. Please, take a seat."

He does so on the edge of my cloth cutting table and takes a deep breath.

I'm fairly certain he won't admit to either me or himself why he's here, but I know, of course. That entire business with the Romulans happened in complete secrecy, and the only two station residents who were 'in on it' as humans call it, are him and me. Who else could he come to with his guilt? But how can I tell him that while I can't offer understanding, I could offer him comfort?

"How does it affect you to take a life, Garak?" he asks me rather unexpectedly. Hm. I was perhaps wrong.

"That depends entirely on the life, Captain."

I don't think he appreciates such a flippant response, but I feel that anything else would only further his misery.

"Does it never bother you afterwards?"

I think about this, weighing up whether to be truthful to the both of us or respond like a true Cardassian. It doesn't take me long to decide. "Perhaps sometimes. But it is not something I dwell on."

He nods as if he understands, but I know that his all too human nature wouldn't allow true understanding. "I see," he claims.

"All I can suggest, Captain, is to divert your mind with more pleasant thoughts. After all - you are not the one who took lives here. Blame that on me and move on." Now he does look surprised, and I smile at him.

"Is this coldness something a Cardassian is born with, or does it only come with many years of practice?"

Wondering whether this is pure sarcasm on his behalf or a real attempt to understand, I look at him curiously. "Much of it is inherent, I suspect. But it never hurts to keep in practice."

His initial shock is quickly replaced by an inkling of understanding. "Cardassian humour is rather tough to swallow," he admits. "But I suspect your people wouldn't want it any other way."

Now I give him a true smile. "A very interesting observation, captain. I've always admired your cleverness." He looks at me curiously, almost as if he has just learned something new about me. And perhaps he has. But I'm about to learn something about him, too.

"There's one thing I admire about you, Garak." Oh please, let this be something I can work with. I wait to hear about this admirable trait with a raised eye ridge. "Your ability to suppress all emotion when it suits you."

I laugh harshly. "Oh, if only it were so. There are times, Captain Sisko, when even a Cardassian is afflicted with this ailment."

"Must be special circumstances."

I look at him and I fear that I'm quite unable to keep my admiration for him out of this glance. "Oh, they are, captain."

He returns my glance suspiciously and, for a moment, I think I may have given away my secret. But apparently not so.

"I almost believed you for a moment, Mr Garak." And he laughs softly.

Sighing, I lean back against the table by his side. "I suppose this is one of those rare circumstances where telling the truth has its uses."

"You were serious?"

"My my, you sound surprised, captain. Certainly I was."

He smiles one of those brilliant smiles I have not been able to observe lately. "Would you be referring to being in love, Mr Garak?" I can only assume that my face turns to stone, because he looks suddenly uncomfortable. "I apologise. That's much too personal a question. I know that your people value privacy above most other things."

"Most. But not all, captain." Can't he guess anything at all by simply looking at me?

Yes, like this. Searching my face as he does now for some hint of this oh-so-desirable human attribute of emotion. Surely, he must see a trace of it when he's around me. At the very least, of my admiration for him.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're trying to tell me something, Mr Garak?" he asks suspiciously.

Here is a chance. Perhaps the only one, because after all, how often does the station's Commander, Starfleet Captain and Emissary of the Bajoran people come to the tailor's shop for a chat?

"Perhaps I am, captain." There. It's a start. How far will I dare to go and risk to be exiled from exile? If that is possible.

"But you're not sure." He is rather observant. So much so that I have to wonder how much he can in fact read in my eyes, which he appears to be studying carefully now.

"Reasonably sure." Humour generally helps me when someone gets too close to the things I'd rather keep locked up inside. This time, I do wonder.

"Considering that we've been forced to share significant secrets lately..."

What is he offering? An open ear? Understanding? Oh how different he would feel if he knew what was on my mind.

He gets up and faces me squarely. "If you'd like to talk, Garak, I will listen."

It's astonishing how much closer we have grown over this unpleasant affair. There's still the underlying current of distrust, but I think we've actually learned some mutual understanding. Perhaps there is a chance after all.

"Yes, I think I would like to talk, captain."

He nods quickly and stands there, waiting.

All of a sudden, I feel that words are not sufficient for what I have to say to him. Perhaps it's because for a human, he is a rare match in eloquence to each and every Cardassian. Perhaps it's because I know there is no truly logical way to explain this most illogical of sentiments. Of course, in addition to all that, I'm likely to find myself on one of the doctor's sickbeds before I'm even finished with my explanation. So, continuing my earlier sentence, I add, "... but I won't."

And I indulge in a brief touch of my hand to his smooth cheek before reaching around his neck and drawing him close for a kiss. I've never minded danger, and the thrill and excitement of it tend to make it all worthwhile. However, while I kiss Captain Benjamin Sisko, I feel I'm closer to death than I've ever been before.

At least until I feel the faintest response, the slightest relaxation of the upright and ever imposing body, and the gentlest tingle in my lips as they meet significantly less resistance than anticipated.

Then, a moment later, it's all gone, as Sisko draws back and stares at me in shock. For once, I have to admit to not being able to think of anything clever to say. So I wait for the inevitable punch. This must surely be far better reason for violence than the murder of two undesirables?

But again, this fascinating Terran surprises me by simply narrowing his eyes and following this with a harsh little laugh. Hysteria, perhaps?

It appears I will live even after this outrage. Perhaps that is much more than I deserve. For him to stay now would be asking for the entire Alpha Quadrant. So I'm not surprised when he turns and walks to the door, not quite as steady and sure as he usually is in his movements.

I resign myself to being glad for what I did have for a moment, the ghost of a response my undue show of affection garnered and the thrill of actually being so close to this man.

But surprising me yet again, Benjamin Sisko turns and looks at me, and when I meet his eyes more boldly than I feel, the faintest hint of a smile plays around his delectable mouth.

And I know that while we're opposites in so many ways, we have a chance of understanding, perhaps even more. Because deep down, we're very much alike in many ways that matter. Mirror images of one another. I do wonder... will I ever manage to make him look back at me the way I look at him?

THE END


End file.
